I'm Not Alone
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: [AU, AtobeKajimoto] He is sent by the gods to destroy someone who was the power to destroy them.


A/N: This is going to be pretty much AU, and it's going to involve home-made deities, so no offence to any of you religious-types out there. This is purely for my enjoyment (and hopefully other people's). If any details are horribly mangled, don't worry, I probably did it on purpose, since it's AU.

Dedicated to Posterior Praiser because she suggested this pairing and proceeded to drool over it. 

He was on bended knee before his lords. The position was not unfamiliar to him, but the words coming from their lips were almost startling.

"Destroy," the said. 

He dared to look up at them, with many questions in his eyes. He only dared to utter one of those questions, but it was the most important one.

"Why?"

A whisper breathed into his ear, making him shiver. That was the Wind, the only god that ever bothered to touch him. Wind was the only god that felt completely real to him, and the god that he would obey unquestioningly.

"He has the power to rise against us," said the whispering voice. "He will destroy us one day, if he is not stopped."

"How could a mortal have that power?" he asked.

"There are some," Wind replied. "He is the only, in many centuries. Go to Earth, little one, and prove yourself to us. We will make you a god."

That was the highest honour that he could have ever been given. He had been born of the stars, and the fate of one such as himself was usually to be near to the gods for eternity, and never allowed to reach them.

He had already been allowed to talk to them, and serve them, and to become one of them...

"I will not fail you," he promised. He swore it by each of their names. Wind, Life, and Death.

Wind consulted with his brothers for a moment, and then returned to his side.

"Go to Earth then, little one, and do this deed for us. Get to know him, understand his ambitions, and then you will destroy him."

"Yes."

"Good luck," Wind whispered. It felt like a gentle caress.

"If I become a god, will..." The question was almost too ambitious. He did not know if he should finish it or not.

He felt Wind nod. "If you can do this deed for us, then we can promise ourselves to each other. For eternity."

Eternity.

"I will not fail you," he repeated.

They gave him a name, and a human body. They gave him a family, and human memories. They gave him a life on Earth, and the means to meet and destroy this human that was in their way.

It took him fourteen years to remember his task, in the human body. The memories of the gods were buried in the human memories, but they resurfaced, slowly. One night, he awoke in a cold sweat, and he _remembered_ why he was on Earth, and it excited him.

He'd only met the one he was supposed to destroy in passing, but soon, they would meet again.

Soon, Kajimoto Takahisa would get to know the one he was sent to Earth to destroy.

~~~~~

Atobe Keigo did not even have to try and make people fall at his feet, they just did. Even those who strongly disliked him still respected him. It was not even necessarily because he was such an outstanding tennis player, or that he was incredibly good looking, or any of those things -- they just had to respect him because he was Atobe Keigo, and had that aura about him.

He was used to all eyes on him, and it wasn't surprising that on his first day of high school, he gathered a following that outnumbered the one he'd held in junior high, even though he was not even captain of the tennis team (yet). He revelled in that feeling, really, although he never really asked for it, it just happened, and he wasn't about to refuse them what they wanted: a leader. He knew how to be a leader, had always known, by instinct at first and then by practice. His ego had inflated to a point that was rather disgusting, but even though it put some people off, they could not argue that his ego was well-founded. He really was as good as he thought he was. 

Yes, Atobe was used to all eyes on him. He was used to being followed, used to being stalked, even -- so why was his newest stalker bothering him so much?

It wasn't that it was a boy. Atobe was far from homophobic. He hated that close-mindedness -- it limited the possibilities, really. 

It was the boy's eyes, and the _way_ they watched him. The way those eyes followed him, even if the boy's body was not moving. The way the boy would pretend not to be watching, but those eyes would just bore into the back of his head. Atobe could _feel_ it.

It started near the beginning of his first year of high school, and it dragged on for months before he decided to do something about it. He was not much for doing his own dirty work, but he wanted to confront the guy himself, and wrangle an answer out of him.

"Why do you keep staring at me?" he demanded, backing the boy up into a corner, in the hallway. There was no one else around, and it felt the perfect time.

"There are a lot of people who stare at you. You tend to attract attention," the boy replied, calmly. There was something familiar about him that Atobe could never quite place.

"Who are you?" he demanded. While he made a point of remembering the names of those who worshipped him, he'd never been able to catch the name of this one, though for some reason he felt he should know it already.

"Kajimoto Takahisa. I was the captain of the Johsei Shounan tennis team last year," he replied.

So, that was it. Atobe had heard him mentioned, and had probably seen him briefly at some point, but they'd never actually met in person.

"Why have you been staring at me?" Atobe asked again.

"I already told you, it's because you tend to attract attention," Kajimoto replied. "No one can help but stare at you."

Atobe didn't want to embarrass himself by saying that the way that Kajimoto stared was giving him the creeps. He would have to let it slide.

"Stop it," he said. "I don't like it."

"I'm sorry."

"Why did you come to Hyoutei?" Atobe asked. There were not many students in the Hyoutei high school that didn't come from the Hyoutei junior high, mostly because it was a pretty cut-throat school, and expensive to boot.

"Because you are here," Kajimoto replied.

Atobe was used to hearing things like that from complete strangers. At least, he should have been. Coming from Kajimoto's mouth, it was just plain _weird_.

"I wanted to meet you," he continued. "I wanted to play against you."

So, it was tennis.

"You could have told me that earlier, instead of stalking me," Atobe said. 

"I wanted to watch you, first," Kajimoto said. 

"You are a strange one," Atobe said. "I'll play you. When and where?"

"We can play here at the school, after tennis practice," Kajimoto said.

Atobe didn't remember seeing him at practice, but there were a lot of people in the tennis club, after all. 

"Until then," Atobe said. He turned and walked away. He could still feel those eyes on him, though. He hoped that playing a match would satisfy whatever it was that made Kajimoto feel he had to _do_ that. It was beginning to distract him.

~~~~~

Atobe was not yet a Regular, but he would be for sure next year. If they felt like waiting that long to have his perfect self on the team, then so be it. He wasn't bitter or anything, really. At least, not as far as anyone could tell.

Atobe hated waiting. He hated waiting for anything, although he tried not to let it show. He was always being watched, so he didn't want to show his ugly side if he could help it. His duty was to be beautiful, after all. He owed it to the public that worshipped him. He didn't want to wait to become a regular and gain his proper spot -- but he would.

He didn't want to wait for Kajimoto any longer, but he would. He resisted the urge to consult with his wrist watch, since then it would look like he was waiting impatiently for someone -- which he was, but no one had to know that.

Not that anyone was around, but Atobe didn't want to take any chances. Appearances were everything to him, after all.

"You're late," Atobe said, when Kajimoto finally approached. 

"I'm sorry," he said. He didn't offer any explanation. No explanation would have been good enough for Atobe, anyway. "Are you still going to play?"

"That's what I came here for," Atobe replied. He lifted his racket, and moved on to the court. "Let's go."

Kajimoto was good, Atobe had to give him that. His serve was unique; although Atobe didn't see the point of bending entirely backwards in order to hit the ball, it did look rather impressive.

Kajimoto was not in the tennis club. Atobe had made a point of looking earlier that day. With his skills, though, it was almost a shame that he wasn't. He was not good enough to beat Atobe, of course, but then again, who was?

Atobe scored the winning point, and let that feeling he got when he won wash over him. Yes, he was good...

Kajimoto was giving him a very strange look. He was staring again, with those eyes of his, only this time it was head on.

"What?" Atobe demanded, a little irritated. 

Kajimoto shook his head. "You're exactly what I expected," he said. "I don't feel guilty at all."

"Why should you?" Atobe asked. This Kajimoto was just too confusing!

He gave no answer to that. "I'll be seeing you around, Atobe Keigo." He slung his tennis bag over his shoulder, and began to walk away.

"I didn't give you permission to keep staring at me," Atobe said. "In fact, I want you to stop it."

"Then I won't stare. I'll just watch," Kajimoto said. "Of course, I don't have to watch if you keep me around."

It sounded a little like blackmail. "Why do you want my company so badly?" he asked. "Are you in love with me?"

Kajimoto laughed. Atobe wondered just what exactly the joke was. How exactly was it _funny_ to be asked if you were in love with the most beautiful boy in the school, or maybe even the world?

"No, I'm not in love with you. I just want to get to know you better. I want to know how your mind works." He bobbed his head a little, in a mini-bow. "Good night."

Atobe watched the strange, strange boy leave the court, and wondered just what was going through his head. He felt rather unlucky to have such a stalker. It must be his first bad luck in...well, ever.

~~~~~

It seemed that Kajimoto wanted nothing more than to stay in Atobe's shadow. Atobe got used to being followed by him, though he could not get used to those eyes. 

Kajimoto followed him around everywhere for the rest of their first year of high school. He rarely spoke to Atobe, and when he did, it was usually because Atobe had spoken to him first. He gave strange half-answers to most questions, and more often than not, he just gave Atobe an expressionless look and said nothing at all.

In the first few weeks that Kajimoto became part of Atobe's shadow, people started to gossip. A few icy glares and well-placed words stopped that gossip, but Atobe had a feeling that people were still inclined to think that Kajimoto was chasing Atobe, or something. It irritated him, because that wasn't the case at all. Kajimoto was definitely not in love with him. His obsession was something infinitely weirder, and Atobe could not for the life of him figure it out. He gave up trying, because he decided he really did not want to know.

On the last day of the school year, Kajimoto stepped out of Atobe's shadow, and approached him.

"What are you going to do over the summer holiday?" he asked.

"Not much of anything," Atobe replied. He would probably just go to tennis practice, and lounge about the rest of the time.

"I want to stay by you," Kajimoto said. "Will you let me?"

"It sounds like you're proposing," Atobe said. It was almost amusing. At least, it would have been amusing, if it hadn't sent shivers up Atobe's spine.

"I can assure you, I'm not proposing," Kajimoto said.

There was something in those eyes of his that Atobe didn't like. It looked a little like disgust, and a lot like pity. What reason did Kajimoto have to pity him, or despise him? Atobe had never done anything to upset him, as far as he knew.

"Then stay with me all you like," Atobe said, "As long as you never get in my way."

There was a strange little smile on Kajimoto's lips. "I'll never get in your way," he promised. "No matter what, I won't be in your way."

Atobe didn't shrug very often, since it was such a common thing, but he shrugged now. "Whatever," he said. He turned his back on Kajimoto, and the boy fell into his shadow once more. Atobe had a feeling that he would be there for a long time to come.

~~~~~

The summer crawled by. Kajimoto was always there, no matter what Atobe was doing. Always there, always watching. It was a little funny, really, that he'd promised to stop the watching if Atobe let him stay by his side -- but of course, if Kajimoto was by his side, the watching would not be secret anymore, but it would still be there.

Atobe was used to it now, though, and he expected it. Kajimoto's presence was a constant, and he only noticed when Kajimoto wasn't around. Sometimes he lay awake at night, wondering why he couldn't sleep, and then realized that there were no eyes watching him and he was unsettled.

He was beginning to depend on Kajimoto's presence, and they rarely spoke to each other.

A few weeks into the holiday, Atobe decided he wanted to put a stop to it. Either Kajimoto was going to stop following him around, or they were going to have a decent conversation. It was up to him.

Atobe stopped where he was, on the way home from practice. "Kajimoto." He did not turn to face the other boy. On the rare occasion they spoke to each other, Kajimoto seemed to prefer to remain in Atobe's shadow.

"Yes?"

"I'm sick of you walking behind me. I realize it's a nice place to be, but if you must stay with me, then can you at least walk beside me?"

"I thought that you liked lower humans to trail behind you?" Kajimoto asked. There was a note in his voice that could only be interpreted as dry humor.

"True enough, but you're irritating me," Atobe said. "If you walk beside me, at least you can admire the beauty of my face, as well as my ass."

That just made Kajimoto laugh outright. 

After that, he took to walking beside Atobe, wherever they went.

~~~~~

It was near the end of summer when they started talking. There was run of extremely hot and humid days that had just about everyone in a foul mood, Atobe included.

Kajimoto was there, as always. He was seated in the windowsill looking out, instead of looking at Atobe. It happened that way, sometimes. 

"I wish I had someone to fan me," Atobe complained. "It would be easier than doing it myself."

"I'm sure if anyone else were here, they'd do it. I won't."

Atobe rolled his eyes. Normally he wasn't given to anything so childish, but he blamed it on the heat.

"If you don't worship me, then why bother staying with me?" Atobe asked.

"I told you. I want to understand how your mind works," Kajimoto said.

"Haven't you already got me figured out?" Atobe asked. "I mean, you obviously have a very strong opinion of me, from the way you talk to me. Or the way you don't talk to me, that is."

Kajimoto blinked at him.

"Do you hate me, Kajimoto?" It wasn't a pathetic "I want people to like me, so please tell me you don't hate me!" kind of question, it was pure curiosity.

"Yes," Kajimoto replied.

"Why?" Atobe honestly wanted to know.

"Because of who you are," Kajimoto said.

"I see. Then why bother trying to understand how my mind works?"

Kajimoto looked at his hands. There was an unreadable emotion in those eyes of his, something like longing. Atobe did not understand it. It did not seem to fit the situation.

"I have to," he said.

"Then why not try having a conversation with me once in a while?" Atobe asked. "The silence gets tiring."

"It would be silent if you were alone."

"Yes, but when you're here, I'm not alone, am I?"

"I suppose." 

"Then use your voice, once in a while," Atobe said. 

"All right."

~~~~~

Their conversations were short, at first, about random things that Atobe forced Kajimoto to talk about. It got easier after a while, and when they entered their second year of high school, they at least knew how to speak to one another. They had different views on a lot of things, and discussing them was interesting, if somewhat annoying.

The second year of high school began much the same as the first. Atobe's following was only too happy to have him back, and he had to admit that he was happy to see them. They were much less frustrating than the boy glued to his side.

He was a shoo-in for regular on the tennis team, and once he had the position, he felt on top of the world. Of course, he was always on top of the world -- he was Atobe Keigo.

"You don't have any friends."

Atobe stopped walking, and turned to face Kajimoto. "What?"

"You don't have any friends."

"Of course not. I have minions."

"Isn't that lonely?"

Atobe laughed. "How could that be lonely?" He had any number of people at his beck and call. 

"You were desperate enough to force me to talk to you."

"Because your silence was irritating!" That sounded just a little too defensive for Atobe's liking. He had no need to defend himself to the likes of Kajimoto!

"Why don't you have friends?"

"I told you, I have minions," Atobe replied. 

"Do you want to rule the world?" Kajimoto asked.

"Only this little part of it," Atobe replied. "The rest of the world can wait until I graduate." He was joking, of course. He would always have a huge following, but he wasn't a crazy villain from a cheap movie.

He was only joking, so why did Kajimoto look as though he took it seriously?

"I'm kidding," Atobe said. "Why would I bother with this world?"

"There are other better worlds out there," Kajimoto said.

"Then I'll conquer those." Atobe laughed. "I'm going home now."

For once, Kajimoto did not walk with him. He remained behind. That disturbed Atobe deeply, and he didn't even know why.

~~~~

"I still don't understand you."

"What brought that up?" Atobe asked. He was reading, while Kajimoto gazed out that same window that he always did when he was in Atobe's room.

"I've spent all this time with you, and I still don't understand you. I can see how your mind works. You're only out for yourself, and you don't care about anything or anyone else, but why?"

"I'm all I need," Atobe replied. It had always been that way, ever since he was very young. His parents had always been away, and he'd learned to depend on himself. Then, others had started to depend on him, and he'd become a leader.

"Do you not understand love?"

Love? Atobe almost choked. "Why the hell would you bring that up?"

"You don't, do you?"

"If you must know the truth, I don't believe in something that silly," Atobe replied.

"How is it silly?"

"I never expected to hear something like this coming from someone like you," Atobe said. "You don't seem the romantic type."

"I love someone," Kajimoto said. "That someone is everything to me. I am never alone, because I know that he is somewhere, waiting for me."

"How nice for you." 

"How can you live without that?" 

Atobe really didn't want to discuss it any further, but he would answer the question in hopes of shutting Kajimoto up. "No one ever gave a damn, so I learned to deal with it," Atobe said. "People worship me, but they don't really care -- so I let them worship me, and I don't care, either."

"That sounds lonely," Kajimoto said, "Yet you deny being lonely. Do you really not care at all?"

"Not a damn bit."

"That's why I don't understand you."

"Then don't bother trying," Atobe said, and he turned back to his book. He couldn't help but wonder if Kajimoto was right, at least a little bit. Was he lonely?

__

"Yes, but when you're here, I'm not alone, am I?"

He'd said that to Kajimoto once, but at the time, he hadn't meant...had he? What would he do if Kajimoto was not around anymore? What had he done before his presence was always there?

"I really don't like you," Kajimoto said.

"The feeling is mutual," Atobe assured him. "Now if you don't mind, I'm trying to read."

~~~~~

Atobe was not the type to go out and get drunk on a regular basis. Getting drunk at parties was not all that intelligent, and he disapproved of underage drinking, anyway.

Sometimes, though, he liked to forget. Sometimes, it made him happier just to drink the night away and pass out.

"What are you doing?"

It was Kajimoto. Atobe should have expected that he would show up, he always did.

"Drinking," Atobe replied.

"Why?"

"I'm in a bad mood." Atobe reached for the bottle. A few more sips, and he would be long gone.

"Why?"

"So many questions!" Atobe was beginning to slur his words. He didn't want anyone to see him like this, but Kajimoto was always, always there anyway. He'd seen Atobe in many different situations, why not now? He laughed, just for the sake of laughing. "I got some booze off a well-placed friend of mine."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Ah, who the hell cares?" Atobe waved the bottle around. "I don't feel like answering your damn questions. Go away."

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"Why do you want to know?" Atobe countered. 

"You usually try so hard to be perfection."

"Sure, but that's in front of other people! I'm supposed to be alone here. Go away."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I feel like it!" Atobe glared at Kajimoto. At least, he tried to. Kajimoto seemed to be multiplying. He was really drunk this time.

"Atobe..."

"Why haven't you left yet? Do you want to take advantage of me while I'm drunk?" Atobe asked. "If it's sex you want, you should have just asked. You're not too bad looking, anyway." 

"Not with you," Kajimoto said.

"Oh, that's right, you have someone you love, don't you?" Atobe snickered. "You know what, Kajimoto? My father beat my mother to death yesterday. I got the phone call last night. I always knew he would do it. I even tried to do something about it, but my mother was a stupid woman. She denied everything I said about him. Then they disowned me. At least he didn't beat me, too."

The bottle was empty. Atobe was not happy. He wanted another, but he'd run out already.

Kajimoto looked shocked. "I never knew."

"Of course you didn't. I never told you. I wasn't drunk enough to give away my tragic past." Atobe sighed. 

He was surprised when he felt arms around him. Was Kajimoto trying to comfort him?

"I thought you hated me."

"I do, but for tonight, I think you need me," Kajimoto said. 

"Everybody needs somebody sometime, right?" Atobe asked. He thought he was laughing, so why were there tears in his eyes? "I hate you too, you know. You always look at me funny. You're not very nice."

"I'm sorry."

"Whatever." Atobe leaned forward and rested his face on Kajimoto's chest. "I'm not alone when you're here. It sucks that it's you, though. It really does."

Consciousness slipped away from him, and he fell into oblivion.

~~~~~

Atobe woke with a terrible hangover. The world was spinning. Well, he certainly wasn't going to school today.

Wait. He wasn't in his bed, and he wasn't on the floor, either. Where exactly had he passed out?

Oh -- he'd passed out on Kajimoto. Right. Which would explain why he had his head in someone's lap.

"Why are you still here?" he asked. Kajimoto looked down at him.

"You needed me."

"I don't need anyone," Atobe said.

"Are you sure about that?"

"No." He rubbed at his eyes. "Still, you don't like me, so I don't care about you, either."

"Do you really want to take over any world, Atobe?"

"What the hell? Why do you ask stupid things like that?" Atobe demanded.

"I want to know."

"Of course I don't want to take over any bloody world," Atobe said. "All I ever wanted was -- never mind."

"Tell me what you've always wanted," Kajimoto said. His fingers were stroking Atobe's hair. Atobe felt calmer than he had in a long time.

"That silly thing called love, of course," he replied.

~~~~~

"I can't destroy him," Kajimoto said. He was on his knees before his lords.

"Why not?" Wind asked. "Why would you break your promise to me?"

"He is not out for your destruction," Kajimoto said. "I doubt if he even realizes you exist."

"Of course he doesn't," Wind said, "But he still has the power within him, and that is dangerous enough."

"But --"

"Don't question the gods." It was Life's voice. Kajimoto rarely got to hear it, and it had never been directed at him before. Life was bitter, and oftentimes cruel.

"Forgive me, my lord, but he is only a sad and lonely human child," Kajimoto said. "A child approaching an adulthood as lonely as his childhood."

"And? So what?" Life demanded. "He is a danger to us and should be removed."

"Then find someone else to remove him," Kajimoto said, coldly. He had come to understand Atobe Keigo, and he was not going to destroy him.

"Do you love me?" Wind asked.

"With my entire being," Kajimoto replied. "So please, please try to understand. I can't destroy him. I--"

"Have you fallen in love with him?" Wind asked.

"No, of course not. I am devoted completely to you."

"Then destroy him," Wind commanded. His voice was cold, colder than it had ever been before.

"Yes, lord," Kajimoto replied. He felt his heart breaking.

~~~~~

Atobe was still the Atobe that Kajimoto had always known, only now he also knew the truth behind that exterior. He knew that Atobe was just as lonely as any human would have been.

"Atobe."

"What?" Atobe asked, looking up from his book.

"I..."

"What?" Atobe asked, a little more gently. He seemed to have more patience with Kajimoto, these days. He had begun to think of Kajimoto as his one and only friend.

"I have to destroy you."

Atobe laughed. "Of course you do."

"I really, really do," Kajimoto said miserably. "The gods have ordered it."

For some reason, Atobe thought it was just crazy enough to be true. For some reason, he believed it coming out of Kajimoto's lips.

"Friends betray," he said. "I should never have begun to think of you that way."

"I'm sorry."

"Are you really?" Atobe asked.

"The person I love is not even a person. It is a god," Kajimoto said. "It is Wind. I am not human, at least I wasn't until they sent me here to Earth. I was born of the stars, and I longed to be close to the gods. Then they let me, and...they gave me a mission. Destroy the one who has the power to destroy them."

"I have this power?"

"Yes."

"I don't want it," Atobe said. 

"I know that, now," Kajimoto said. "I made a vow to them, though. I made a vow to Wind. If I carry out this mission, we will be lovers."

Atobe gave him a strange, strange smile. "Lucky you. Kill me, then. I don't care."

Kajimoto moved closer to him. It was time to complete his mission. It was time to end this.

He kissed Atobe, then. He couldn't help it. He wanted to comfort him, wanted to erase that loneliness, and make him believe in that silly thing called love.

Atobe met his eyes when he pulled away. "Can I have my one last wish?" he asked.

"Yes."

"I don't think you can grant it. My last wish is for you to stay by my side, always."

Kajimoto closed his eyes. "I wish I could grant that."

Atobe bowed his head. "Wishes never come true, you know."

Kajimoto could not destroy this man. He just couldn't. "I want to hold you," he said.

"Then do it."

He did.

~~~~~

"You've failed me," Wind whispered. The voice did not give him pleasure, it was pain.

"I'm sorry," Kajimoto said. He lay with his arms around Atobe. He would never let go.

"You betrayed us!" Life shrieked.

"I'm sorry," Kajimoto said again. There was nothing else he could say. There was no going back, now.

"You fell in love with him." That voice, Kajimoto had never heard. It was the voice of Death.

"Yes," Kajimoto said. "How could I not? He has that kind of power. The power to change."

"To change both things, and people," Death agreed. "Stay with him. I will allow it."

His brothers tried to argue with him, but he did not listen.

"Thank you," Kajimoto said. "I'm sorry, Wind, but you really didn't love me, did you?"

"Never," Wind hissed, and it retreated.

"You will never be a god!" Life shrieked, and it retreated.

"You will know happiness," Death said, and it released him.

Kajimoto smiled at the sleeping face of his lover. Soon, he would forget about the gods, and would remember only his human life. He would grant Atobe's wish, and stay by him forever.

Atobe's eyes fluttered open. "Are you really still here?" he asked.

"I will always be here," Kajimoto replied. 

~~~~~


End file.
